Post by SteveABass on May 22, 2005 18:43:55 GMT -5
Here are some jokes that I originally posted on my message board. Since none of those guys have any sense of humor maybe they'll be more appreciated over here. (good luck)
<<<>>>
Some Bad Jokes... They get better as you go on.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSH!!!! (I told you they were bad.)
<<<>>>
How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut it's nose off.
<<<>>>
What is the fastest fish in the sea?
A Go-carp.
<<<>>>
How do you kiss a pike?
Very carefully....
<<<>>>
What sits at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
<<<>>>
Bass fisherman's wife: "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you may never see him again."
<<<>>>
Man: "Can I have a rod and reel for my wife?"
Fishing Shop Owner: I'm sorry sir, we don't do trades."
<<<>>>
How do I avoid infection from biting insects?
That's easy - don't bite them.
<<<>>>
Why are fish smarter than mice?
Because they live in schools.
<<<>>>
Where do ghosts swim in North America?
In Lake Erie.
<<<>>>
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
<<<>>>
Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.
<<<>>>
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch.
<<<>>>
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.
<<<>>>
How can you tell when a fishermen is lying?
Watch his mouth very closely, if it moves... he's lying.
<<<>>>
Nelson and Jimbo were out on the lake one morning. They were having a great day, pulling in fish after fish, until the boat was full. When it was time to leave, Jimbo says, "Boy, the fishing here was great! Hope we can remember how to get back to this spot next time". "Well", says Nelson, "let me fix that!". He pulls out a piece of chalk, and puts a big "X" on the side of the boat. "Now, we'll know where this place is next time". After rowing halfway back to shore, Jimbo suddenly says, "Wait a minute, Nelson! What if we don't get the same boat???!!!".
<<<>>>
What does a fish say when it runs into a brick wall?
Dam!
<<<>>>
At the Annual Bass Catchers Classic fishing tournament on the Seneca River there were several boats scattered about near a highway bridge. A funeral procession came by on the bridge. Everybody just kept on fishing except for one fisherman, who put his fishing pole down, stood up, removed his hat and remained in that fashion until the funeral procession had passed. Joe Matt, a nearby fisherman happened to see this and was impressed at how respectful the man had been, so he cranked up his boat and pulled up beside the other mans boat. "Howdy, I saw how considerate you were toward that funeral procession, pausing and standing like that. I wish I had been as thoughtful."
The other man replied, "I reckon it's the least I could do. After all, we'd been married for nearly 30 years."
<<<>>>
My wife said to me: "If you go fishing once more I will leave you". God, I will miss her!
<<<>>>
How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out?
I don't know the answer, but I believe I'm nearly there.
<<<>>>
Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other,
"I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!"
"That bad, huh?"
"She did everything WRONG!
She talked too much,
made the boat rock constantly,
tried to stand up in the boat,
she even baited the hook wrong,
used the wrong lures and worst of all...
she caught more fish than me!"
<<<>>>
WANTED
Woman who can cook, clean, wash and make sweet love.
Must have own boat.
If interested, send a photo of the boat to..........
<<<>>>
So I lied... they didn't get better. ;D
<<<>>>
Some Bad Jokes... They get better as you go on.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSH!!!! (I told you they were bad.)
<<<>>>
How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut it's nose off.
<<<>>>
What is the fastest fish in the sea?
A Go-carp.
<<<>>>
How do you kiss a pike?
Very carefully....
<<<>>>
What sits at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
<<<>>>
Bass fisherman's wife: "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you may never see him again."
<<<>>>
Man: "Can I have a rod and reel for my wife?"
Fishing Shop Owner: I'm sorry sir, we don't do trades."
<<<>>>
How do I avoid infection from biting insects?
That's easy - don't bite them.
<<<>>>
Why are fish smarter than mice?
Because they live in schools.
<<<>>>
Where do ghosts swim in North America?
In Lake Erie.
<<<>>>
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
<<<>>>
Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.
<<<>>>
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch.
<<<>>>
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.
<<<>>>
How can you tell when a fishermen is lying?
Watch his mouth very closely, if it moves... he's lying.
<<<>>>
Nelson and Jimbo were out on the lake one morning. They were having a great day, pulling in fish after fish, until the boat was full. When it was time to leave, Jimbo says, "Boy, the fishing here was great! Hope we can remember how to get back to this spot next time". "Well", says Nelson, "let me fix that!". He pulls out a piece of chalk, and puts a big "X" on the side of the boat. "Now, we'll know where this place is next time". After rowing halfway back to shore, Jimbo suddenly says, "Wait a minute, Nelson! What if we don't get the same boat???!!!".
<<<>>>
What does a fish say when it runs into a brick wall?
Dam!
<<<>>>
At the Annual Bass Catchers Classic fishing tournament on the Seneca River there were several boats scattered about near a highway bridge. A funeral procession came by on the bridge. Everybody just kept on fishing except for one fisherman, who put his fishing pole down, stood up, removed his hat and remained in that fashion until the funeral procession had passed. Joe Matt, a nearby fisherman happened to see this and was impressed at how respectful the man had been, so he cranked up his boat and pulled up beside the other mans boat. "Howdy, I saw how considerate you were toward that funeral procession, pausing and standing like that. I wish I had been as thoughtful."
The other man replied, "I reckon it's the least I could do. After all, we'd been married for nearly 30 years."
<<<>>>
My wife said to me: "If you go fishing once more I will leave you". God, I will miss her!
<<<>>>
How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out?
I don't know the answer, but I believe I'm nearly there.
<<<>>>
Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other,
"I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!"
"That bad, huh?"
"She did everything WRONG!
She talked too much,
made the boat rock constantly,
tried to stand up in the boat,
she even baited the hook wrong,
used the wrong lures and worst of all...
she caught more fish than me!"
<<<>>>
WANTED
Woman who can cook, clean, wash and make sweet love.
Must have own boat.
If interested, send a photo of the boat to..........
<<<>>>
So I lied... they didn't get better. ;D
? ;D
